I find it quite interesting to see that so many men that think they are submissive, really don’t understand what submission really is. It’s not this fantasy in their mind that turns them on. However, most can never move beyond the fantasy, and the fantasy becomes an addiction that leads to hours and hours of tumblr surfing but no real relationships.
This is a huge problem. Because the D/s dynamic, when done properly, can be the most beautiful type of relationship that can exist. Most submissive men, really don’t have what it takes, because they are thinking about submission in all the wrong ways. Sadly, their submission is more about them, being self indulgent and ending with ejaculation.
Every once in a while, there is a real need submissive who gets it. But why is it so difficult to find these men? Why is there such a divide between real need submissive’s and fantasy driven ones? Besides, femdom porn catering to submissive males fantasy, there’s more to it than that. A lot more.
It is mostly the fault of society, and how men and women are brought up. I’ve touched many times on the conditioning society instills into us, to live a certain way. Women are not taught to value respect, nor do they demand it. Boys are given basic lessons on chivalry as children, and that gets quickly dismissed once the dating games begin. Being young and horny, both genders often allow standards to fall to the wayside, and it allows for irresponsibility in both men and women as they grow up.
This is why we have cheating epidemics, relationships that aren’t fulfilled, communication gaps and so on. Both men and women have allowed themselves to fall into substandard relationships, where chivalry has died, and people get taken advantage of as a result. It also makes it so people find it difficult to express their sexual needs with another, because the level of trust in relationships has plummeted so far down, that it’s near impossible to build.
Men have given themselves a bad rep with women because of this, to the point where women have conversations with their friends about how stupid men are and never meet them on their levels, all the way to giving up on men entirely.
Which is exactly how fantasy submissive men are born and why femdom is catered to male pleasure and not female pleasure. Due to our ignorance of disregarding chivalry and trust in our youthful years, generations of sexually unfulfilled men and women, are confused about what they really want and chase what they can get.
Fantasy submission is all about what the male wants to do for her. What perverted fetish turns him on, and he wants nothing more than for her to entertain his fantasy. His foot fetish, or sissy fetish and so on. Then they wonder why women are so turned off at the idea, and can’t find a partner. Which gives all submissive men a bad rep. Creating taboos where it should be embraced. Women are turned off by male submission, and male submissive’s go lonely, struggling to find a dominant female. Of which, so few exist, exactly because of their twisted fantasy they expect her to entertain for him.
It’s vicious cycle, and it’s also created an industry for profit, rather than fulfilling, mind blowing, intimate and lasting relationships. There is another side to this, and it’s beautiful and romantic, and sexually fulfilling for her, and him, and it can evolve deeper and deeper, taking them both into the core sexual desires, to the place each them has always tried to reach but never could. A relationship where trust and respect and caring and love, are built on a foundation of vulnerability, communication, devotion, chemistry, and understanding. It’s such a deep connection, that caters to the strongest core need of what it means to be a human being, intimacy. But it only works with real submission and dominance.
So many submissive men want it, but so few ever understand what it even is never mind achieve it. What is real submission? It’s so much more than the fantasy. Real submission, is just that, real. It means, as a male, you’re going to have to actually sacrifice many things in your life, for her. It’s not about taking from her, it’s about giving to her. All of yourself.
Real submission is about being naked for her, not just in the physical sense, but also in the spiritual one. Being vulnerable, to her, having no secrets. It’s about giving her power, that you know could destroy you, but knowing there’s enough trust that she would never do that. Real submission is not easy, and it’s not fantasy, and you have to be strong in order to achieve it. It is not for the weak. Weak men could never truly submit to a woman.
Real submission is sacrifice, it’s about him giving up his own pleasure, for hers. Replacing his pleasure, with hers. His pleasure becomes her pleasure, and that is more than enough for him. So much so, that her orgasm, will actually radiate through him, and sexually fulfill him in ways his own orgasms never could.
Real submission is a not just a lifestyle, it is a part of who he is at his core, and being able to be who he is with her enables him to experience liberation. Real submission is liberating, it’s not enslaving. Enslaving is going against his will, but real submission is exactly where he knows he should be and wants to be. He is able to be freely who he is, who he was born to be, for her. So few men ever experience this kind of liberation. There is no feeling in the world that can describe it, it’s the ultimate self empowerment, and she can harness this to make him the best be can be.
Real submission means becoming totally and completely hers. It doesn’t mean that he doesn’t have a mind of his own, it means he trusts her judgment and guidance and authority. Enabling her to help him use his mind in ways that benefit both of them. This can bring him totally in touch and in tune with her thoughts, emotions, needs, and wants. It has little to do with his sexual pleasure, he must let it go.
Real submission is about her sex life, and how he has no say in it. Not in hers, or his own. Real submission is putting her first in all things. Being thoughtful, doing the chores, being romantic, with no ulterior motives. He can initiate sex if he wishes, but not for his pleasure, real submission is always focused on her, and sex will more often than not, not include his penis.
Real submission is about him giving her orgasms, and then cooking her dinner, while being denied any and all sexual pleasure. For weeks at a time. It’s about watching her tv shows, or doing her favorite activities, while sacrificing his own. She must become the center of his universe, and he is working toward making her life better. He will discover that the more he does this, and the less he resists it, the more fulfilled and happy he will become.
Real submission is her way, always. There’s no room for male fantasy in that. It’s not all about sex, or fetishes, or ejaculation. It’s about empowering her, uplifting her, holding her, being there for her, cooking for her, cleaning up for her, massaging her, pleasing her, entertaining her, being obedient to her, listening to her, understanding her. Never having ulterior motives, never expecting rewards, or reciprocation. Real submission is his way of life, and it’s a totally different version of submission than fantasy submission.
A female led relationship is not designed for fantasy submission, so many men want real submission, but fail to understand what is required of them. Now you know.
Real submission is about giving up his sexual pleasure, permanently, and dedicating himself to hers and her lifestyle. Sometimes her pleasure may include sexual pleasure for him, but it’s far from a requirement. Real submission is dedication, devotion, worship, obedience, and surrender. He must develop total trust in her, and allow himself to be as vulnerable as he can, and remain like that, permanently. That’s what real submission is.
My book Practical FLR, introduces the female led relationship lifestyle in a gentle way, for those of you wondering how to explain it to your partner. Gift them my book.
E-book available here – Practical FLR: Lessons For A Female Led Relationship
Print version available here – Practical FLR: Lessons For A Female Led Relationship
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